First Day, Hooray! ???

At the end of August, Fletcher started preschool in the two-year-old room. As you know, he's been going there since January so I'd have some time alone with Holden when he arrived. I struggled with that decision and initially wanted a Tuesday/Thursday schedule, mornings only. They didn't have that space on those days, so he went MWF, mornings only. It was nice, after I got used to it and after he started looking forward to it, rather than crying each morning.

As they started preparing for this school year, it became clear that they were only going to offer two options. M-F all day, or M-F, mornings only. We didn't want to move places. Our options are limited anyway, but he really did like going there now. So, we decided to pay for the M-F mornings, knowing that I don't have to send him each day if I don't want to or feel like I need some extra time with him. The director and Jesse both told me in the early summer that by fall, I might want him to be going each day. They prefer that way so all of the children are on the same page in the curriculum and they aren't trying to figure out where everyone is. I can understand that.

I spent many sleepless nights worrying about what I was going to do. I didn't stay home from work just to send him to a school. But I still wanted to have time with the baby alone. I still knew that school was turning out to be a really good thing for him. It was just so hard.

Facebook became a place where I kept seeing first day of school pictures and many of my friends were sending their children to Kindergarten for the first time. Where had time gone? Where was my time with Fletcher going to be spent? I wound up in more tears because I know his first five years are going to fly by and school is optional during them. Once he's in Kindergarten, there's no going back. I was already thinking that I'd enroll him just for this year and next summer to have my alone time with Holden. Then, I'd take him out next August and put him back in the following year for the true preschool year when he is four.

I started thinking of all the places I could take him or how we could spend our days so it wasn't just at home all the time. I don't know. I just want time with him before it's gone, I guess. Am I crazy? I feel like I make myself crazy over it all.

Well, now he's been going 5 mornings per week for a month. He looks forward to it everyday. I do too, to be honest. I spend the other 20 hours alone with him and his brother right now, as Jesse is gone. So it's just the three of us. The four hours in the morning fly by because I'm taking care of Holden, trying to exercise, and getting a few tasks done around the house or running errands. So, for now it's working.  But I still sit and wonder what I want to do by this time next year. I know I need to stop and worry about that then, but it's hard.