In Complete Denial

It was only about a week and a half into this second baby business that I found myself crying to Jesse in Holden's room about how quickly he was going to grow out of his newborn clothes and that it'd be the last time we'd cycle through them. That is, of course, if we don't have any more children of the male variety, which as of now, is the plan. At least not through me. If we have more of either variety, I think we'll look into adoption. But, we'll cross that bridge if/when we get to it.

So anyway, my hormones were in full swing and I was tearing up at the thought of him not fitting into them. My mission: have him wear them as much as I could. Result: I completely forgot about the other drawer stacked neatly with 0-3 month clothes that now I wasn't sure he'd ever fit into because I missed that little growth window. Reaction: more tears!!! To top it off, we were planning on being on a trip for 3 weeks and I'd need to pack things for Holden to wear more than once. UGH!!! It's killing me that I won't be able to get him into some of the onesies and get a picture before he's all big and throwing tantrums on the floor like his brother!

Speaking of his brother...I remember when Fletcher was a baby and I tried to make him fall asleep on his own when he was less than two months old and after 45 minutes of crying, he fell asleep for about 20 minutes. I learned that it was too early for that sort of expectation. Months down the road, we were golden in this area until I learned that traveling would screw up routines, teething would screw up routines, growth spurts would screw up routines...you get the idea. And now, more often than not, Jesse and I look at each other in disbelief that he's so big and growing so fast and it won't be long until he won't want to be held, or he won't fall asleep in our arms, or he won't care what we are doing. So now, after all that "training," we want to savor the moments when the training fails and he's just our little boy and we're his comforting parents.

Now, to jump back to his baby brother...Holden is a different child altogether and knowing that he's most likely our baby boy forever, we are soaking up all the little moments as much as we can because now we understand how quickly babies do grow into toddlers and how you just can't make time stand still. No matter how many pictures I take or stories I tell, they won't bring us back to those precise moments in time.

So, imagine me on the second flight to Denver when Fletcher was asleep on Jesse and Holden was asleep in one arm of mine, while the other arm was holding up the March 2012 edition of Parents magazine and in the midst of pure joy from being able to read something in silence for the first time in months, I was suddenly fighting back tears that were trying to escape. The article was about enjoying the time you have with your child(ren) because it will go by fast. It mentioned that there are only 940 Saturdays between the time your baby is born until they leave for college. (No...I haven't calculated how many are gone already or how many lie ahead...but it does seem like a low number to me!)

I had to stop reading it and go on to a different article. Then Jesse turns to me with his eyes and asks, "Is it strange that this makes me a little sad? Holding Fletcher like this while he sleeps?" Ugh! Instant watery eyes and I replied, "I can't talk about it. I was just crying while reading an article all about it."

Well, here's the article, Savor the Moments by Harley A. Rotbart, M.D. (HERE).

I'm sure I'll continue to be in complete denial of how my boys are growing forever...but I'll have to remind myself to not hold them back, or I might miss the next stage in the timeline altogether! In those frustrating times, I'll have to remember that part of my parenting job is to be nurturing and hold on to the opportunity that my boys give me to simply love them.