Ultimate Graduation

We seem to celebrate every milestone in our lives with parties, maybe a toast, cake, flowers, or balloons. We take pictures with the birth of child, everything between then and their first birthday (I'm living proof of that!), school events, church functions, sports, clubs, friends, family, and the list goes on and on. Then one day, you graduate from high school and start taking pictures of everything in college including that graduation. You get married and hire a photographer. You get the picture. (Nice pun, huh?)

Anyway, there is one place people are shy to take pictures...around the ultimate graduation...death. I know it sounds cheesy, but when I was driving home from South Carolina last week, I was thinking of Fletcher's Great Grandmother going through her ultimate graduation. She was in great health and lived such a long life, but recently her body just got worn out.

I don't handle death well and just really, really get sad with it. No matter how quickly or drawn out it may be, death is never easy on those left behind. I feel for the people closest to the deceased, the pain they go through, the decisions they need to make, all of it. I often think of my own death, my funeral really. I wonder who would show up, what people would say, what songs would be played, if anyone would bicker over stupid stuff that really didn't matter, etc. I've even thought about sitting down and writing down everything I want to happen at my ultimate graduation party. But then part of me figures I really won't care at that point and I'd want whatever would make everyone else feel better.

I'm rambling, so let me back up a bit. I didn't really know one of my grandfathers. The other died when I was pretty young, but I remember going to his funeral...it was my first up-close experience with a dead body and I remember that part of the day among other things. I knew both of my grandmothers for a long time of my life, and I was also lucky to have known one great-grandmother as well. I was fortunate to be able to attend all of their funerals. There's something about the viewings, which seemed to be the hardest. Something else about the services with the emotions the lyrics from the hymns bring out. Something about being in a cemetary and throwing flowers on a coffin as it's lowered into the ground and then walking away. Something that brings tears even now.

But there's truly something special about going through it all with family. You can never know exactly how someone is feeling, nor can you ever really understand their relationship with the deceased. But you can understand that they are grieving. You find that through it all, you are getting to visit with people you haven't seen in years. You forget for brief moments what brought you together. You laugh, you cry, and then you laugh again. Later, you probably cry again. You also...at least in my family...take pictures. You have the whole family there, so you take pictures. And it's a good thing because you never seem to know when you'll see them again. People seem to show up for weddings and funerals.

Playing with Opa

 Pushing his stroller around

He got to see Oma, Great Aunt Rachel and Great Uncle Joey too.

When my final grandma passed away from pancreatic cancer, I took it pretty hard. Maybe because she had lived with my parents and myself close to the end. Maybe because I knew her longer than my other grandparents. Who knows? But, I remember a friend from church mentioning that I could be taking it hard, because I knew my parents were next. In a way, that makes a lot of sense. One generation was done, so it was on to the next.

However, I got married and when I married my husband, I married his family and with that, I gained a grandmother...my first and only "Granny." She didn't have a mean bone in her body and was one of the sweetest human beings to ever walk on Earth. I am thrilled she got to meet Fletcher, her one and only great-grandson before she graduated to Heaven. I am glad that I took pictures every time they were together so he's always able to see the times he was with her.

When we were visiting her, I took a picture that captured Fletcher next to her in her hospital bed, which was to be her final living resting place. Just one. None of the other pictures had her in them. I remember taking pictures at the funerals of my grandparents, but none of them in their final days. You may think a picture of them on their funeral day is strange, but I thought it was a picture of what they had wanted when preparing for that day. It is, in fact, the last day you can actually see them and take their picture. There hasn't been a funeral yet, but here is the last picture of Fletcher with Great Granny, and I couldn't believe her eyes were open for it!

Since finding out that Granny was in the hospital, I had a strong urge to go visit, but we had a lot going on around here. The urge got stronger and stronger and there never really is a good excuse, right? Life is more important than "to do's" or other obligations. I ended up scheduling a time, but then decided I needed to get there earlier. The night before our scheduled trip, Buddy called to see if I still planned on coming, but warned me that she might not make it through the night as she hadn't been responsive for days and had basically slipped into a coma-like state. I decided if she was still alive in the morning we were going.

Even if she didn't know we were there, I just needed to see her one last time before going to Arizona. It was for purely selfish reasons, I say. When we arrived at the hospital, her room was full with 3 relatives, a physical therapist, a chaplain, and a social worker. The PT was doing her job and we completely interrupted. If Granny had the strength to sit up and shout "Hello!" and clap her hands...that's what she did. There was so much more of a reaction than I had ever imagined there would be. And boy, was she upset when we left the room a few minutes later to clear the congestion and let the PT do her job! They had to reassure her that we would be back. Well, she ended PT early, then the social worker met with her, then the chaplain visited her and prayed with everyone, and then she was able to touch Fletcher's feet, hold my hand, and respond to my greetings. But, she was tired. We'd come back later.

We came back after awhile and she was responsive to us again, but it was getting late and everyone needed rest. Claudia said that at night she kept asking, "Where are Fletcher and Anna?" I made a final stop the next morning and she was asleep until a nurse came in to check on her. She woke up and I am really happy she did. We were about to leave, but of course we didn't when she woke up. I told her for the 5th or 6th time, "We just wanted to visit on behalf of Jesse and of course for ourselves and let you know how much we love you and care for you. Jesse wishes he could be here himself, but he has to work. We just want you to get rest and know that everyone is thinking of you and we care about you and love you so much." 

She replied in different ways each time. She said she loved us too and she understood that we had to drive back home. She understood that Jesse had to work. She was tired. She needed water. She needed food. She was cold. She was hot. She was tired. On and on, but we were so glad she was communicating and responsive when we expected the opposite. In fact, after declining food and medicine for a few days, she wanted it the night we arrived. So, our visit seemed to do some good even if it was for a short time.

After 90 years, 2 months, and 9 days of living here as one of the most upstanding humans on Earth, Great Granny now starts her eternal life in Heaven. I wonder if anyone is taking pictures of her up there as she reunites with family?

As a side note before my final thoughts, I spoke with Jesse the night of her passing and he asked me, "Did they say what time Granny passed away during the night?" I replied, "Your dad said around 3am," A brief silence, "Hmmm...I was wondering because out of nowhere I woke up thinking of her at 11:47pm here and then told myself that I couldn't stay up thinking about it, but that's about the same time right?" "Yep." Chills...He did connect with her for a moment...

Don't take people for granted while you have time with them and don't beat yourself up for all the would've's, could've's, and should've's. Just live and love. Try to make their ulitmate graduation a pleasant passing for them. The only thing you have control over are your interactions with that special person and your interactions with those that also love them or are trying to care for them. That's about it. I truly believe the rest is not up to you.

Happy Graduation Granny! You lived every day of your life loving God and loving everyone around you. Have fun up in Heaven reading, walking, and singing. Watch over us and we'll see you in the small reminders that always have a way of popping up. Don't worry about us. We'll try to keep our heads on straight and take pictures along the way! We love you! Love, Tweety (That was her nickname for me.)