Weepy and Sleepy

I'm writing this at 7 weeks (July 14th), which is much earlier than you'll be reading it. I've been reminded why I don't like being pregnant over the last two weeks. The sickness has set in and the tears are flowing. I feel completely worthless and wonder if I'm borderline depressed at times. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

During my first pregnancy, I was sick almost every day for the first 20 weeks and lost 11 pounds in the process. I would get sick at any time of the day. The dog food and garage smells got me right away. I threw up in my front yard on a regular basis when I couldn't make it through the garage to my car quick enough. I got sick at work, even in front of my students at times. I got sick in the car, at restaurants, grocery shopping (don't get me started on what the view of raw meat would instigate), and at home. I learned how little toothpaste you actually need to use when you brush your teeth because I'd get sick while brushing as well. I didn't know what to expect because I had never been through it before.

I don't have that excuse now. I was just hoping it would be different. Maybe it is and will be? I'm only 7 weeks in, but I'm already tired of being sick and queasy when I'm not. I have tried several different things during both of the these pregnancies and I just hope that somehow I'm making it easier on myself. But most days I don't feel that way. In addition to the dog watching the show, this time around Fletcher is watching it too and his reactions to Mommy getting sick are not good. He doesn't like it and I don't blame him.

My energy level has dropped significantly in the last couple weeks and I am completely unmotivated to do anything (which was mentioned in my "Blogging Blahs" post that you read). Each task around the house is broken into smaller pieces to try and get it accomplished. I barely feel like I can entertain my little one and hope that I snap out of this soon. There's a portion of the day that I feel okay and I try to take advantage of that time. I also tend to sleep when he's sleeping because I feel exhausted, even though I'm not doing nearly as much with my time as I was when I was teaching.

I have been crying several times each day. This is new. I wasn't this emotional, or weepy may be a better term, during the first pregnancy and I'm not sure where it's coming from. I cry easily to begin with, so you can only imagine how bad it is. Poor Jesse tries his best to understand, and I'll get to him more in a minute. I just cry and sometimes I don't even know what sets the tears in motion.

I also feel like there are several more stress factors this time around. For one, I have a child I still need to take care of. Second, Jesse's leaving...but that was the case last time. Maybe it's different this time because of the first factor and the pregnancy combo. I don't know why I feel overwhelmed and so sad. I just read how 10% of women experience depression during pregnancy and it's been in the back of my mind over the last week or so, but now I'm wondering if I'm in that percentage. I don't want to take medication while pregnant, so again...I hope I get out of this rut.

Finally...Jesse...I'm so glad God brought him to me that spring day in Italy. He's the best husband I could ever ask for! He's trying so hard to keep up with his obligations at work and balance family time with Fletcher. He probably feels like he's the single father of two right now because I've become such a child. He's completely understanding of my moods and sickness swings and continues to encourage me and take care of me. Have I mentioned that I don't want him to leave?

For example...he came home from work and based on a craving for a Wendy's frosty I'm having, he decided to take Fletcher and go to the store to buy ingredients to make milkshakes. On top of that, he took my car to fill up the tank and have it washed. I ordered cheese pizza for dinner tonight because it sounded good. Now that it arrived, I'm finding it a bit revolting. He'll come home and understand. He'll eat what he wants and I'll figure something out, but it won't be a battle. It'll just be. (Thanks, Honey!)

I'll keep you posted as time goes on. All I know is that I know myself better than anyone and I've never felt so gloomy before. I'm hoping time and a visit to the doctor will help.